Template for journalists writing on recent developments in Chile

 

Advice in bold. Fill in the blanks as appropriate. Feel free to use multiple times for different purposes, this template will never get stale.

 

 

Santiago, ___________ of ___________, 2020

 

In an unexpected upset, today the Chilean parliament voted to _________ (describe policy here, but do not go into the details. Of course there are nuances to the policy and, if it was unexpected, probably no one thought elected members of parliament would go this far. But your job is not to explain things, so just move on). This was an apparent victory for the _______ coalition, which has been trying, unsuccessfully, to uproot the neoliberal agenda of the ruling elite (it is essential to use the word neoliberal here, this is catnip to our readers. I mean we all know the definition of the word is a bit loose, and there is no particular way we can prove any of this, but studies by our marketing department have shown that using the word in an article increases clicks by 50%. Apparently our readers don’t care if definitions are fuzzy, they need something to rage at. Plus don’t forget what your LATAM studies professor told you; the root of all evil in this continent is the neoliberal colonialism of US fascism, this truth shall not be challenged.)

 

The policy that today’s vote overturns was set up during Pinochet’s regime, under the guidance of Milton Friedman and a group of acolytes commonly referred to as “the Chicago boys” (this is what we in the trade refer to as the juicy centre of the article steak. We know that once our audience sees a reference to the Pinochet/Friedman duo, their rage will be maximized. Again nuance is entirely unimportant here. No need to mention that the dictatorship lasted 17 years while Chile has been a democracy for the past 30 years. Also there is absolutely no need to mention that for most of these years Chile has been ruled by a left-wing coalition who changed the system within the political constraints of the time. Could more have been done? Sure. But this again implies getting into the weeds of properly understanding the Chilean body politic. We cannot stress this enough; nuance is the death of rage. The goal is to maximize clicks, not inform.)

 

We went out in the streets of Santiago to talk to regular citizens and gauge their reactions on the new policy. _____   _______, an undergraduate student in political science in Santiago told us: “This is the end of the Chilean neoliberal model set up by the dictatorship. Today, the Chilean people breathe free once again, the will of the people cannot be suppressed. Chile despertó (Chile woke up)” (this is important, do not go outside of your social circle to get these quotes. Naturally you can replace with your own quote here, but make sure that the quote is filled with platitudes and inane phrases that really don’t mean anything. The more frequent the use of the phrase: “el pueblo”, the better. Remember we are not using facts to support an argument, we are using feelings to support a movement. If you are from The Guardian, you already know how to do this and we are indebted to your coverage for this strategy. Again, do not discuss the details of the policy or voices that oppose it. That would imply nuance, and again, nuance is the death of rage)

 

While Chile remains in lockdown due to the worldwide pandemic, street protests that had raged since the 18^th of October have quieted down and most Chileans are anxious of the impact that the pandemic will have on their wallets and life. President Piñera, a billionaire economist heading a right wing government opposed to the policy, has mismanaged the response to the pandemic and is under siege by extreme right wing elements in his own coalition to reduce the budget deficit. (don’t worry if this is too much detail, most people will glaze over this information but it needs to be included lest some pesky truth-nazi gets involved.)

 

The policy will impact thousands of low income Chileans and many seem relieved that it has been approved. (what they perceive and what will actually happen is unimportant here. This is what we call the bait and switch. Readers will read this and presume that what is perceived is actually what will happen. Experts will disagree, but they will just start talking about “on the one hand” blah blah blah. Again nuance is icky)

 

Pamela Jiles, a member of parliament that supported the policy, told our correspondent: “We don’t care what the long term consequences of this are. We will fix those things when we get there. That’s what we’re here for. This government is full of people who do not care for Chileans, they are comfortable in their seats and don’t care how many people die.” (you can interview another member of parliament, although Jiles is a treasure trove of usable quotes. Make sure though not to go to some mealy mouthed centrist person who will both-sides this thing to death. Remember, the more ridiculous the parliamentarian, the more usable the quote.”)

 

The future of Chile remains uncertain (I mean this is a tautology but this is the end, if anyone ever gets to this point they did this to themselves right?) The economy has taken a hit due to the pandemic and the precarious position of the lower economic strata has become even more precarious.